"It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert"

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions"

You may be thinking, "wow, Kelly Jo....thats a pretty bold statement" or maybe "that makes no sense" but hear me out...

I say this because it seems to be a recurring problem in my life, and some of my friends lives. Try as we might to be the "perfect catch", it never seems to be enough. We find ourselves sacrificing alot more than normal when we meet someone we like and are interested in dating. We do things we normally wouldn't and are constantly trying to be everything they could possibly want. But, in the end, these "relationships" always seem to fall short of our expectations. We wind up with broken hearts, bruised egos, and a boat load of self-esteem issues...it takes awhile to build ourselves up to where we were before, however, we are never quite the same. It's like every bad experience we have is a scar on our hearts; it may not be a legit wound anymore, but the memory of what happened is still there and isn't something we can get rid of.
I like always having a solution for the problems that arise in life, but this situation is one that I just may not ever be able to fix. Sure, we need to guard our hearts for a while and try to keep our feelings in check..playing it safe for a little bit is fine. But, eventually, you have to let go. You can't expect to ever have a healthy relationship if you don't let yourself fall..and fall hard, for the person you are with. That's what love is all about; releasing every inhibition in hopes (and trusting) that the person you deem worthy of holding your heart will keep it safe.
This sometimes results in heartbreak, I know...believe me. That's why I have only let myself fall that hard twice; heartbreak is worse than any physical pain I have ever felt, or can even imagine. But, when I find someone that I would like to have a serious relationship with, I tend to guard myself for awhile, and then fall a little too hard. So, where is that fine line at? When do we know where to stop guarding our hearts and where to start falling? It's hard to tell...especially with the way relationships work today. Now people "talk" before they date, and dating isn't even considered "boyfriend/girlfriend" anymore...nothing is very clear. It seems most guys these days aren't even interested in dating or having a girlfriend, if they are, they tend to have multiple. When did the U.S. become a polygamous society?!
I believe this all comes from the way parents are raising (or aren't raising) their children. Teaching your kids to have morals and think of others before themselves is a thing of the past. It's all "me, me, me" now. Making yourself happy is fine, but when it is at the expense of someone else's feelings, it is a real problem. Finding a guy who genuinely likes you and wants a compassionate, loving relationship is HARD to do!
Boys are really good at playing games these days....I think one reason girls tend to become confused at where they should stop guarding their hearts and start falling is because of the games guys play. In order to go to the next step with a girl, a guy will say and do an awful lot, and this means lying and pretending to care for her; always without any sign of remorse for what they have done. Even if they do apologize later, or act like they want to gain your forgiveness, how can they expect you to believe it's sincere?! It is sickening to see this happen, it's always so unexpected for the poor girl being played, and it really takes a toll on your ability to trust someone in the future.
Now, I know there are some good guys left out there in the world that can place themselves in the very same shoes as the females I am speaking of. Some girls can be just as horrible as guys, so please don't assume I hate every man in the universe and think all girls are angels. I know this isn't the case at all. But, being a female and having dealt with this experience time and time again, you sometimes can't find much hope, and it seems like every guy you decide to give a chance to turns out being exactly the same as the last.

The only solution I know to this problem comes in a few steps and is nothing one person can solve alone..unless they know how to brainwash maybe.
Mothers and fathers are going to have to raise their children better. Teach them how to behave in a relationship and how to treat each other. Make it very clear that playing games and lying just to get a little further physically is not okay at all. Hurting feelings and having no remorse for the things you have done is a disgusting and distasteful way to live your life.
Society as a whole is going to have to make the lines a LOT more clear as to what defines a legit relationship. We need to get rid of this "talking" business and go back to the way things used to be. Go on a date for crying out loud! Make sure you ask the girl to be your girlfriend instead of making her wonder if you even want that. Things should be clear from the very beginning, tell each other what you want and expect. If they aren't the same, but you both feel like pursuing the situation anyways, that's up to you. But, when what used to be the black and white lines turn to grey, you have a problem. Usually that's when one person has feelings and the other is pretending. Don't ever let those lines turn grey, unless you are ready for heartache. If you have hit that point, you need to at least re-evaluate the relationship. If both parties are now interested in the same thing, then GREAT! That's the way I like to see things turn out...but unfortunately, this is rarely ever the case.
So, be careful...I can't tell you when to let go; it will always be a mystery and the cause of alot of strife, but that's life I suppose. You gotta keep going, even when it hurts. Someday, maybe someone will come along that blows everyone else out of the water...that's all we can hope for anyways. I certainly would love for that person to hurry up and come along for me...it's about time things turned around.