"Jealousy, turning saints into the sea..."

Jealousy is a really hard emotion to deal with. From a females perspective, jealousy is something we try so diligently to overcome, yet we succumb to its power when a male is involved. Everything we, as humans, do is either a conscious or sub-conscious effort to attract a mate....I know this sounds very animal related, but the concept still applies to humans. It may be crude, but it's life.

I wish there were an easy button to turn off the jealousy emotion...life would probably go alot smoother. Today's rant is going to focus mainly on the jealousy created by men, aided by facebook, myspace, or any other public social networking site, and instigated by mistrust and other women.

As covered yesterday, liking someone is really difficult for me. I hate putting myself in that position of vulnerability. The reason I bring this topic up is because I have decided that I like this guy that I have spent some time with recently. He has tried to convince me to go on a date with him since last semester, and I just never could do it...usually because of time management problems, or because there was another guy that I liked at the time. So maybe I deserve this confusion and anxiety I am experiencing right now, but honestly, I don't think that should be the case. You can't really choose who you fall for most of the time, it just happens. So, on with the story. After having spent the time with him recently, I realized that I had made a huge mistake by not going on a date with this guy the FIRST time he asked. Our chemistry really shocked me, especially since he isn't the normal "type" of guy I tend to go for. He is someone I could really see my parents liking, also, and that is a huge plus for me. Anyway, here in Stillwater, it is the yearly Calf Fry out at the Tumbleweed this week/weekend, so I didn't really expect to see much of him, since I didn't buy tickets and wont be partying it up like he and everyone else in this town. But...I did expect to at least get a couple texts out of him. Yesterday wasn't so bad, we had a short conversation, due to classes and tests; but a conversation nonetheless. Last night and today, however, I hear NOTHING. I tried so hard to just wait him out...I hate being the instigator of conversation with guys. I want them to show me they are interested in me! But, I broke down and texted him probaby two hours ago, or so. Still nothing, though....It makes me sad. I mean, I know he is probably partying with his friends and maybe is too drunk to notice I even said anything...but still, I want to talk to him! Another thing that annoys me with this situation, is the fact that facebook insists on sending newsfeed about all of my friends to me...obviously, he is my friend on facebook; and seeing the newsfeed that shows him having a conversation with another girl about hanging out today really irritates me. I could just be jumping to conclusions, and I try so hard to hope that I am because I have alot of guy friends and don't like being a hypocrite. But past experiences keep me thinking negatively.

(SIGH)........A simple "hey" from him would suffice right now.